


You don’t fall all of sudden, it’s a slow process

by VanyKruemelPendragon



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark fic, I'm Sorry, M/M, asshole Gabriel, beelzebub is nicer than you would think, but they will be broken first, everyone in hell is, heaven are the bad guys, they will be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-11-01 22:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20529428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanyKruemelPendragon/pseuds/VanyKruemelPendragon
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley stopped the apocalypse. So, what about it? They tricked heaven and hell. They fell in love. And while Crowley is already down below, his angel has a lot more to lose.





	You don’t fall all of sudden, it’s a slow process

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. But this idea stuck into my mind for a while. Keep reading, it's getting better. If you have to cry, I did a wonderful job. Tell me what you think please?  
I know it's not my best work.

Title: You don’t fall all of sudden, it’s a slow process  
  
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley stopped the apocalypse. So, what about it? They tricked heaven and hell. They fell in love. And while Crowley is already down below, his angel has a lot more to lose.  
  
Rating: P16 Slash  
  
Pairing: Crowley/Aziraphale  
  
Warnings: boyslove, implied sexual content, graphic descriptions of violence  
  
Genre: Angst, Romance  
  
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. I use the characters from the TV Show, so don‘t be confused if their appearance isn‘t like the books.

** ~*~*~ ** ** You don’t fall all of sudden, it’s a slow process ** ** ~*~*~ **

They never really talked about what had happened. It just… happened.

After their change of the human bodies and their trips (being-napping if you want) to hell and heaven to endure the punishment of each other, they had drinks and a lovely meal at the Ritz. They toasted to the World, to humanity.

Of course, the shop and the bentley were fixed, thanks to the Antichrist. A fact that didn’t stop them from having one calm night at the presidential suite in said hotel. Calm, sweaty and with tangled limbs all over. It was a beautiful night, a night that kept visiting Aziraphale in his dreams. Dreams he had because, now he slept. He liked it, sleeping next to Crowley, now they saved the world. Simple fact of allowing himself this luxury, really, for he wanted it for such a long time.

So they slept together. Big deal. No need to talk about it, it wouldn’t happen again and if it did, it wasn’t important.

The problem was… His power seemed to waver. Sometimes he needed way more focus than he was used to to accomplish his miracles, to do the good deeds. It wasn’t bad at first, only happened rarely. And still his mind kept bugging him about it.

“Crowley, dear?”, he asked one evening, put away his glass of wine, watched the demon closely.

“Mh?”, was all of an answer he would get; said demon was busy watching some stupid show.

“I… wanted to ask you something for quite some time now…”

His tone seemed to betray him as his opponent turned to him all of sudden, shutting down the television.

“Am I finally on the receiving end of the truth what’s bothering you?”

Nothing more said than that, it still made him feel guilty. The angel looked down, suddenly very aware of everything. His goosebumps. His nausea. His headache.

“When you… fell… How did that… happen? If you don’t mind me asking?”

The redhead narrowed his eyes. Watched him, head to toes. Sniffed the air.

“I thought it was me. But I see it now, hell is taking you.” He leaned back, thoughtful. “When you fall, it’s not sudden. You’re not in hell one moment to another. It’s a slow process if you want. Your angelic power starts to weaver, your wings start to grow darker feathers. It’s been millennia since an angel fell, so by now nobody is checking anymore. Back then… Before they wiped all your memories of what happened… There were check ups. Suspects had to show their wings, get them inspected. You can easily get rid of the feathers and if you fly around there, nobody will notice one or two missing. Or even a dozen if you have to. One feather a month for each rule you broke. So, even if there are sinners in the ranks of heaven, which I really believe, they will get rid of the black spots. There are no such check ups anymore. Nobody up there thinks angels will fall again. It would take time. And… As far as I remember, back then there were inks, potions to keep them from coloring, to keep them white. I don’t know what happened to those, but nobody of the authorities knew about that.”

Aziraphale listened closely, slow fear striking him.

“But you said you didn’t intend to fall… Did your…”

Crowley nodded sharply.

“One feather a month. My only sin was asking too many questions. The rest was assumed as my… group of friends if you like, had way more. I never wanted to fall, I was just too curious. My people? They sinned a lot. Then they captured angels, tortured them, used their holy tears for their wings. I often… walked. So I didn’t notice my wings for a long time, I had stuff to do and wasn’t there for the check ups. When they caught me, I had a lot of black feathers. I never plucked them out. So, there’s really only one way to check if you’re falling. Check your wings.”

The blonde looked down.

“I’m scared.”

Slowly, Crowley got up and knelt before his friend. Carefully stroking his knees, trying to calm him down. He had gone soft for his angel, he would die for him. And seeing him sad ripped his heart out. Of course, love was such a nasty thing to make you do these things. Maybe it was time to talk about it. Maybe it was time to talk about the feelings he kept hidden for the last millennia.

“Is this because we...”

The angel nodded slightly, merely noticeable, interrupting him with great success.

“Lust is a sin after all and… I know we didn’t talk about our mistake , but ever since then… My powers are getting weaker. My human body seems to make problems. Nausea, Headaches. Blurry vision.”

The single little word echoed in his mind, made him nauseous too. _ Mistake. _ His voice came out normal though. This wasn’t about them, about him. It was about Aziraphale, his best friend.

“I don’t know what would happen to the human body, I haven’t been in the position to have one back then. But… If it’s true, if you’re… Falling… I presume a body, given by heaven, will start to… Throw you out. You would need a demonic body, a human one given from hell. A body you can only have if the wings are all black.”

The angel shrieked, panicking .

“What? I’d have to be very sinful to get them black by now!”

Crowley smiled, having achieved his plan to brighten the mood somewhat.

“Well then, out with them.”

And Aziraphale? Just flashed out his wings, arms crossed.

“See? They’re not...”

The smile had disappeared from the demons features, made him swallow hard. Thirteen. It’s been barely a month since they had sex.

“Zira, you’re falling quite a while now… You had them out at the apocalypse though. How...”

And his eyes widened. Lying was a sin. Playing another being to save a demon. _ Saving a demon _ was a sin. Sex, too. Enjoying sloth. Aziraphale _ slept _ .

Sobbing brought his mind back to the present, with a broken Aziraphale on the ground.

“Thirteen! I sinned thirteen times! Oh my, I am _ falling _ !”

Desperation made him cringe, made Crowley hurry to him and hug him close, press their bodies together, sweetly caressing his blonde curls .

“Don’t worry. Nobody… has to know by now. Maybe we… can fix this. We can do this, _together._ And...”

Aziraphale shook his head and pushed him away, suddenly realizing the problem. The thing he though was the problem .

“It’s your fault. Everything I did after saving the world was _ for you _ .” Horrified he started to move backwards, shock and fear in his eyes. “Stay away from me.”

It was as if nothing ever hurt, in comparison to this. It was like a hard slap into his face. Yellow eyes looked at the angel, pain obvious . The word mistake was painful. But this? It was as if every organ in his body decided to suddenly give up and die. Only not-breathing stopped his breath from coming raspy as every fiber of his being hurt, screamed and protested in pain. And his voice showed exactly that, in the broken tones it left his lips. He couldn’t believe his own words and still, felt they were true. Falling could make you forget, it would play with your reality, twist it. It still hurt.

“You’re kidding, right? You… You don’t really think… I did that on purpose? ”

The face of an angel shouldn’t be able to show such negative emotions. But right now, blinding fear made him hate again, made him remember everyone once said. How a demon would try to make angels fall, to strengthen their ranks.

“Just… Stay away from me!”

I would love to tell you he came back that evening. I would love to make the happy end here. But I can’t. There’s something else to tell first.

The first thing Aziraphale did was flying to the bookshop. The second was pulling out every single feather that had blackened. The third thing he did was visiting heaven.

One thing was a mistake he would bitterly regret later.

He walked up to head office, straight into the room of Gabriel.

“I’d like to ask to come back to heaven. I can’t remain on earth.”

The arch-angel watched him, curious. Set down his pen.

“You what?”

“I want to come back.”

He frowned and rose, came to the blonde.

“Why?”

Aziraphale looked down, his posture straight but submissive.

“I’ve been fraternising with the enemy and wish to be save here before I do something even worse.”

Gabriel watched him, looked at him closely. He had his assumptions. He just hoped he was wrong. Before all this happened, he had quite tolerated the blonde angel in front of him, even liked talking to him. But he was different, he always was. Earth did that. And what if he survived the hellfire because he wasn’t an angel anymore?

Back in the old times, nobody was allowed to remember. Nobody besides the arch-angel himself. The top ranked arch-angel. Gabriel himself. So he had to make sure, had to know.

The potion was easily mixed into the tea he told Aziraphale to drink while he would sort the documents.

Unfortunately, the aura turned grey the second the angel… The fallen angel broke down, crying out in pain.

His face a stone-like mask, unmov ed , hard, the arch-angel looked at his opponent.

“You wanted to lie to me? You’re falling. But I will not have hell win. You will not fall. I’d rather see you dead than giving another soldier to them.”

“What?”, came in a raspy hushed voice from the angel who by now shook painfully.

With an easy snap of his fingers, chains came from the walls, keeping the blonde down, making him cry out in pain again. With the closing of his eyes, the arch-angel transported them to the ancient cells, the cells nobody knew about anymore.

“You’re still falling. Neither holy water nor hellfire will hurt you. None of those will kill you yet. But there are certainly ways to _ hurt _ you until I can kill you.”

Which was when the first hit came.

Aziraphale had no idea, _ what _ hit him. It was cold and hot at the same time, ripping open his back with little knives. Pressure came from the wound, it felt like his organs were crushed, air pressed from his lungs by force, leaving his head dizzy. The nausea got worse, nearly made him vomit.

One hit. That was one hit.

The next ones made it even worse, ripped the skin open in different places. Made the clenching feeling only worse.

By the time the hits reached ten, every part of his angelic body hurt, shaking badly. His wings, out as a protection at first, were bloody, partly broken and oversensitive.

Number eleven came and hit the tops of his wings, sending waves through his body, waves of vibration. A loud cracking sound was heard and the outer half of the wing crumbled together, hanging next to his shoulders like a lump limb.

He couldn’t keep silent anymore now. The scream, broken and full of pain, ripped from his throat the moment his wing broke down.

Which was a mistake, since his arms didn’t shield his face anymore and allowed the… whip of some kind? To slash once through it. His vision reddened with blood streaming from the wounds, his lips wobbled as he spit out blood, to get rid of the metallic taste.

“Stop, please. I beg you, Gabriel!”

The arch-angel didn’t bother to obey, just put away the whip. He slashed a bucket with holy water over the already blood-drenched angel which made his wounds burn like fire. Fortunately, that pain made him black out.

Crowley wouldn‘t be worried. His angel… _ The _ angel had left. He would return. Or not.

Wouldn’t because he instantly knew something was wrong when Adam knocked at his door, way after midnight.

“Beelzebub came to see me”, he just said. “There is a new fallen. He is being held captive by heaven. She thinks, the only one possible is Aziraphale. Crowley, where is he?”

Before his brain registered the words, he wanted to say something about ‘no hello, just facts’. When he actually _ understood _ the words, his worry rose to unknown heights.

“He left a few days ago… You don’t think...”

Before the boy could answer, Crowley had disappeared.

Later nobody could tell how the lower demon was able to break into heaven; most angels only saw a furious fire pillar making it’s way though there like a whirlwind of hellfire.

Gabriel was in a diplomatic discussion with Beelzebub who had agreed to help, so the only thing Crowley actually had to think were the dungeons. Lucky for him, he was a fallen. He still remembered. So, it wasn’t that hard after all.

But oh, he nearly broke when he finally found the cell in the large complex.

“… Zira?”, he asked, his voice wavering, in a low volume as he knelt down in front of the unconscious blonde.

His face was bloody, as was his body and the ground. His wings, black now with the potion he received, at very weird angles. He was shocked and scared, feared he could lose his angel.

Carefully he lifted him up and took him out of there, bridal style. No way to get both of them home now though. His whole energy was used to get _ into _ heaven, not out of it. So he sat, carefully shielding the hurt body with his, listening for every single voice.

He sat, had no idea how long until Beelzebub arrived. She sank to her knees in front of them both.

“Crowley. Let me help you. You need to go, he will be pissed. I will handle Gabriel.”

“Don’t touch him!”, he said, loudly.

Beelzebub just rolled her eyes and snapped once.

"I don't have to touch him. You know who I am. And now, rest. I will handle everything else. He's one of ours now. You choose him. Now stay with him."

Not waiting for a further response, she was gone. Leaving Crowley, still shielding Zira's body with his, alone in his own flat.

"That bitch...", he cursed, a slight smile tugging on his lips. 

A smile which disappeared when he looked at the angel. Carefully, not to hurt him even more, he started to treat the wounds. Same weapon as in the old days. Same whip, with a poison that would make both holy water and hellfire hurt a lot more than they would hurt someone into the fall. 

The body wavered and returned. It was disappearing, soon he'd be discoperated. Making Crowley's help useless. He had to hurry up.

Aziraphale woke up a week later. Something felt strange. Slowly, he opened his eyes. The light made every memory come back, made him wince. 

He was... In Crowley's flat, as it seemed. Which would mean the demon couldn't be that far away either. 

When he tried to call out for him, nothing came out of his throat, other than a weird screechy rapsy sound. And it hurt.

The demon still came though. Leaned on the doorframe, as far away as possible without leaving the room. He looked tired. 

"Water's next to you. If you can't reach it, I'll help. I won't come any closer if you don't want me to."

Which irritated the angel. After a careful sip of water, he drank a little more until the glass was empty. 

"Why wouldn't I want that?", he asked, still slightly confused. Then it hit him what he said. How he behaved. How he... "Oh, Crowley! I am sssso ssssorry! Pleasssse, don't take anything sssserious I ssssaid!"

He tried to get up, only to stumble and have the redhead catch him in his fall. The hissing was new, then. 

"Slow. You're not even close to being able to leave the bed. A few moments later and I wouldn't have been able to save you."

The blonde just nodded. 

"Okay. How do I get rid of the hisssssssing?" Embarrassed, he had his face in the other being's shoulder. "Even more important, how can I ever fix what I have ssssaid to you?"

The voice Crowley used to answer him was still absent, but not as much as before. He still had him in his embrace after all.

"Training. And there's nothing to fix. It was a mistake, I get that. Your change made me the bad guy, not a problem. I am always the bad guy after all. Don't worry." 

Aziraphale - should he change his name? - shook his head vehemently. 

"I wassss talking about that. It wassssn't really a misssstake. I mean... I don't regret it. I... Would do it again if I could change it."

Sincere, blue eyes looked at the taller one, pleading. 

"Get well first, then we'll see, okay?"

There it was, the soft voice he only talked to his angel to. Well. His fallen angel. Falling? Demon wasn't right for now.

He leaned back from the embrace and pressed his lips to those of the redhead, in a very soft manner. Only very short and quick.

Crowley smiled sadly. 

"Sleep."

Everything would be alright. That was all that mattered now. So the blonde let himself be helped into bed and sighed, already half asleep. 

Yellow eyes watched him then, watched him turn in his sleep, while their owner stroked the blonde curls slowly. They were already getting a tad darker. But it seemed to make him sleep dreamless. Which was good and all that mattered right now. Everything else would come later.

"I love you, you know?", he whispered to his friend. "Nothing will change that."


End file.
